Whoever You Are

At bedtime tonight my daughter and I read Whoever You Are by Mem Fox. She had a lot of questions as we read that wherever people are– we are all the same– we are all people who hurt and love and laugh, even when we look different, talk different, or live differently. This was the first conversation we have ever had about the difference in the color of skin. She pointed at each person and told me what color they were, what their hair looked like and if they seemed happy or sad on that particular page. We talked about how people have different languages, how we speak English but we are learning Spanish, how there are many many other languages and differences around the world. We talked about how some kids live in different kinds of families and have different kinds of houses, and on and on. I loved it. I ate up every moment of this seemingly insignificant moment because I recognize that this is where the foundation is laid. These moments are what shape our childrens thinking, what impacts their tolerance and acceptance of diversity — even at the innocent age of two. I tucked her into bed with the book in hand and as I am typing this I can hear her reading it to her Chic Baby.

Whoever You Are

I had no sooner left her side when I received this link: Openly Gay Mayor Candidate Beaten, Set on Fire & Dumped. I was literally ill when I read about the horrific and tragic death that Marco McMillian suffered. I read and reread the date: March 4, 2013. It did not say 1913, not even 1953– it said 2013. Why the hell is this happening in 2013? How could hate crimes such as this still even be a part of our reality? How many more innocent lives must be so gruesomely and tragically lost before we stop the hate? Reading the details of this mans death should disturb conservatives and liberal both. In spite of the fact that many people oppose gay marriage or dislike homosexuality, the vast majority would agree that hate crimes like this are beyond unacceptable.

Marco McMillian (photo taken from cbsnews.com)
Marco McMillian (photo taken from cbsnews.com)

My younger brother, who is openly gay, played the lead in high school when his thespian club enacted The Laramie Project depicting the heinous murder of young gay man from Wyoming. I had never heard this story before and it moved me deeply. This murder occurred in 1998, and 15 years later the same exact barbarism lives. Matthew Shepard has never been far from my mind since I learned of his story, and Marco McMillian will never be either. This is such a tragic loss of an extremely talented and well educated politician who carried great promise to impact our world for the better… only to be murdered for being gay. This story is all too familiar and I am left wondering how many more times?

As I read through this article I am reminded of the broadway show Memphis. Two lovers are depicted struggling against the prejudice and violence of their time as they look to solidify their love for one another. I sobbed my way through it, especially the scene where the african-american leading lady is beaten within inches of her life. They lived in an era when people were so filled with hate because of their differences that they were capable of inhumane brutality… and apparently so do we. Again– I believe that the vast majority of us can agree that no one deserves such treatment, no one deserves to die because of their differences. Yet people are still being murdered for the crime of their sexuality.

The words penned by Mem Fox run through my head:

Little one, whoever you are,

wherever you are,

there are little ones just like you all over the world.

Their skin may be different from yours, and their homes may be different from yours…

But insides their hearts are just like yours,

whoever they are, wherever they are, all over the world…

Remember this:

Joys are the same, and love is the same.

Pain is the same, and blood is the same.

Smiles are the same, and hearts are just the same-

wherever they are, wherever you are,

wherever we are, all over the world.


whoever you are - mem fox

Some write blogs for equality, some wear pro-gay t-shirts. Some write lyrics and some march in parades waving rainbow flags. But not everyone can. I understand that this type of activism is not for everyone. Some take a more neutral stance. I recognize that many readers may not even agree with the very basis of the debate and many take a vehement stance in protecting the sanctity of their definition of marriage.

What we can all agree on though is the sanctity of life.


So even if you cannot stand up and speak out for gay rights, you too can fight this same fight for life. We each hold the ability and carry the obligation of impacting our world for the better. Even if murders such as the one suffered by Marco McMillian are minuscule per capita, one more death is too many. We must be willing to bridge this great divide between those who’s moral convictions lead them to stand against homosexuality and those who are fighting loud and proud to advance equality for all. Life’s inviolability transcends religious differences, political views, or sexual orientation. In spite of our differences, we don’t have to compromise our religious or political beliefs to endorse the dignity that life deserves. Education and advocacy for change starts young and starts now. The messages we are sending to our children will shape the future of our nation. We have the ability to impact and advocate for a better world even if it is as simplistic as instilling a message of respect for diversity into the lives of our children.

Stand with me and stop the hate now, whoever, wherever you are.

Screen Shot 2013-03-04 at 10.27.55 PM

At the time of publishing this blog there is controversy over whether Marco McMillian was murdered because of his sexual orientation. While the circumstances surrounding his death are still unclear, the underlying message of this blog remains relevant.

This blog entry was featured in the Huffington Post in March, 2013. To view this posting click here

8 thoughts on “Whoever You Are

  1. As a gay male of colour who has been victim to violence a few times I want to thank you for this article. I agree wholeheartedly with most you say. However, the statement that most agree on the sanctity of life… sadly I’m not so sure.
    Only about a year ago a pastor in NC preached for gays and lesbians to be put behind electric fences and left to die. In Minnesota (I believe) many teens in a short time committed suicide because of bullying related to their (perceived) sexual orientation, the school district, churches and politicians did not take action. Several high profile US politicians and evangelists are involved in the creation of the ‘Kill the Gays’ bill currently under debate in Uganda. The list goes on and on and on, and these are only US examples. Even in more generally tolerant societies such as the UK and Scandinavia, as well as in the US, LGBT people are the group most likely to fall victim to hate crimes.

    This, in 2013, is very much also our reality…

    1. Thank you so much for writing, Lohtar. Your words mean to much. You make a very valid point which brings even more emphasis on the importance of this message. There is a long list of atrocities and I’m certain you have only named a few. I hope that with more Straight Allies speaking up and joining the cause we can continue to bridge the gap and collaborate to erase the hate!

      1. I deal with this more or less professionally and monitor LGBT rights globally (currently outraged over the new pope and his virulent anti-gay history).

        What I found, and you are very right in pointing that out, Straight Allies make much of the change. We as LGBT folk are always ‘the other side’ and less listened to, though it remains important we show we are here and share our stories.

        Anyway, my sincere thanks. I am glad to know your daughter will be taught values of love, equality and respect, hopefully passing it on one day herself, and your decision to share this with the world may just influence a few others. Brilliant. That’s something I choose to have faith in.

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