Funny how over time, opinions change and perspectives broaden…
So much of both have occurred in my life since the inception of Multifarious Mama.
I started this blog *three years ago*… crazy to me that three years have passed. I was just launching into my third decade – with a two 2 year old and a 3 month old in tow, and I was feeling… well, a tiny* bit stifled by motherhood. Sounds terrible to say that out loud, doesn’t it? Sounds so ungrateful. But I promise you, it’s not – I was not. I love being their Mama, I loved it then and I love it still. I ask them often how I got so lucky to be the Mama to both of them?
But in the same regards, having children is a HUGE life change. Life as you know it will never, ever be the same. It shouldn’t. It couldn’t. Your entire perspective and motivation changes. With that, and I think I speak for at least some of us- a part of our individuality dies off. Less dramatically put, a part of us evolves into the New Mom Mantra that we have to embody. So when I first launched Multifarious Mama, I was looking for an outlet. I was drowning in G-Diapers, meal planning, breast feeding, card-board book reading, and all the glory that makes up sweet sleep deprived motherhood. I needed some place to be able to articulate the REAL me that still existed someplace beneath the dark circles under my eyes and the spit-up covered, two day old shirt I was wearing. Ok, maybe I had worn it for three days. How could I keep count? I was exhausted, and it took so. much. effort. to get out of the house and connect with the real world out there. Like, seriously. Transitioning from one soul to care for, to two was not always a graceful transition. I remember the first time I took both of my tiny offspring in public. I was reduced to tears, wondering what in the hell I had gotten myself into… Being a Mom is not easy, but I am thankful for the opportunity to be one.
I digress, the tag line; “Because there’s so much more to me than just being a mom”. And that is still very true, I am not “just a mom”. But, I was fearful of losing my identity to motherhood. I hadn’t gone 29 years to just toss all that made me me right out the window. During this sleepless period of new motherhood angst, I was digging my heels in, struggling to find the balance between so called “independence” and the emotional roller coaster that ensues when one finds themselves completely responsible for another human. So here I am now, mother of a three and five year old, clearly a seasoned veteran of the title (I say with sarcasm), reading the tag line “Because there’s so much more to me than just being a mom”, and I wince a bit. Really and truly, while surviving damn near 35 consecutive months of pregnancy and breastfeeding – I did not have the same appreciation for my role then as I do now.
Standing on the other side of a pseudo divorce, trudging through the muck that comes from a broken heart and home, and swimming through two years of full time college, working Mama, and single motherhood – I look at the wording “”just being a mom” and cringe. Because for me personally- for this Mama, for this career woman who toiled and fought to keep her “identity”, there is nothing more important than my role as their Mama. I now wear that title like a badge of honor, for it has taken much courage and growth to earn. There is certainly much more to me, many layers – as the title Multifarious Mama represents, but as the climate changes the environment, so also life changes the individual. Life has helped me to see that underneath the many layer that make up me, there is a core, a center, and a foundation. In the middle of my many roles, my passions, my interests, my career, there is my tiny family unit — and my most prized title of all, “Mama”. There isn’t “so much more to me than just being a Mom“, there is me – a mom above all else, but also a multifaceted, multi layered woman. I no longer maintain the identity I was white-knuckle gripping three years ago, and I do not wish to. I am changed. I evolved, as we all should with time and growth. I am a complex woman on the journey of learning balance while prioritizing motherhood.
I am the Multifarious Mama…. and there is nothing more important to me than being their Mom.